In every phase of my life, I have felt overwhelmed and stressed. And then, once I reached the next phase of my life, I look back and think “what was I so worked up about?” It always feels like things are the worst they could possibly be, until they’re not.
When I was in middle school, I thought I had a lot going on. And then I got into high school, and I said “this is real stress.” Once I went to college, I thought “high school was a breeze compared to this.” Then I entered graduate school, where things were harder and higher stakes than they’d ever been. And when I finally entered the workforce to start my career, I realized that this whole ‘life’ thing is so much harder than anyone had warned me.
And I guess it’s hard to look back on these different phases of my life, and think that I had it so good, but to know that in that moment I didn’t think it was that good at all.
When snapchat memories from college pop up, so many of them have captions like “really stressful week” or “i’m freaking out” or “soooo busy”. But then I also see memories of laughing with my friends in our dorm rooms, walking to the campus cafeteria, going to cool campus events. Those are the parts I remember. But I didn’t appreciate how special those times were.
I don’t want to invalidate past-me’s experience: college was hard. It was very stressful. I took heavy class loads each semester, I was involved in a lot of different clubs and organizations, I was doing research, I had a job—there was a lot going on! There were definitely times that I got burnt out, or overwhelmed. But also, I was doing things that I loved. I loved studying English and writing long critical analysis papers, I loved researching linguistics patterns in children, I loved writing articles for VIM Magazine, I loved running the social media for the Citizen Scholars program. Did all of these things stress me out? Sure. But I was able to choose what to spend my time on, and these are what I chose. There was a freedom in that.
Working in higher education means spending time on a college campus, in a college town, every day. I love my field, I do. College is such a formative time for so many people, and I am so grateful that I get to help students navigate the various systems and experiences. But it is also hard. Sometimes when I’m walking on campus and I see students on their way to class, chatting with friends, I just want to shake them and say “Appreciate this time!!! You will never get to live like this again!!!” College isn’t the best because of some intrinsic, unknowable quality—it’s the best because you live right next door to all of your friends, in a walkable community, with lots of support and opportunity built into your experience. You get to try out freedom, knowing it’s okay if you fail. Life can be amazing after college, but those things aren’t guaranteed. You might end up seeing your best friends once or twice a year, instead of every night in your dorm room. You might go from walking 3 miles every day just to get to your classes, to driving everywhere. You won’t have an advisor or professor to advocate for you and connect you to opportunities—you have to find them yourself.
I guess what I’m saying is that I’m trying to reflect on gratitude. I’m trying to be better about appreciating the good things about my life right now, so I don’t look back on this time in 5 years and feel like I took it for granted. There are hard things, sure—I live really far away from my family, I have a math job where I stare at spreadsheets all day, I haven’t made a ton of new friends in Colorado. I’m responsible for paying my rent, putting gas in my car, cooking all my meals, buying my groceries, doing my dishes. But there are really good things, too. I get to live in a place full of beauty and adventure. I make my own money and I have the freedom to spend it how I want. I get to hang out with my best friend and partner every day, because we live together. I have friends from college that live here too, and we’ve been able to reconnect in such lovely ways.
In the series finale of The Office, Andy (the best character) remarks “I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good ole days before you’ve actually left them.” And when I look back on my life, a lot of it is full of good ole days. I don’t think we have a way to know when we’re in the midst of the good times, so I think the only answer is just to start treating every day like the good ole days. Assume that whatever phase of life you’re in, you’ll one day look back on fondly, and try to appreciate it right now. Life’s too short to be always looking back.
– Abby, in the moment
abby j 
love all the bestie pics 😍😍
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